There’s plenty to smile about down in Orlando this year. The Magic are absolutely tearing it up in the east, Dwight Howard is a disturbingly freakish specimen, Stan Van Gundy is doing his best impersonation of “The Hedghog” (Ron Jeremy for all of you porn buffs out there), and Rashard Lewis is draining three’s. This leads me to my next statement. The Knicks flat out suck. Oddly enough, individually I’d certainly prefer the talents of a Zach Randolph or Eddy Curry above that of a Hedo Turkoglu, who by the way is a fantasy monster this year, and yet you put them both on the same court and they are absolute doo doo. I just don’t get it. Well, maybe I do…

Um. Tushy. Yes Tushy. I love that the NBA is really letting these lovely photos into their website. I simply can’t get enough of this Orlando Magic Dancing Squad.You know that Stan Van Gundy AKA Ron Jeremy is licking his chops from the sidelines. I found myself trying to lick my balls after seeing these pictures. Go figure.

Black boots. Is there even a chance you wouldn’t want those boots on during coitus with one of these women? I didn’t think so. So let’s talk about Hedo Turkoglu for a second. He’s really scary looking. OK that’s all I really wanted to say about him. Jameer Nelson is finally looking like a young Damon Stoudamire out there. He’s very Mighty Mouse Esque. Isiah Thomas hasn’t yelled once this year except at a black woman he was trying to coerce into sex.

What the fuck is that Mascot? Seriously what in the world do you call that thing? Well I guarantee you when they finished this shoot no matter what that thing is couldn’t hide it’s erection.

She is a MUCH better player than Stephon Marbury.

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